Jade

I am really feeling my new job. I like it here. I feel like a new person. My children are doing well and I only have one paper left to have completed one full year of schooling towards my Doctoral degree. I finally feel as if I am making some progress in my life. If it were not for me stepping out on faith I probably would not have left my old environment (my job) and I would have again experienced misery for another 190 days…..which is an entire school year. I am grateful for this experience. I have realized that there are some folk out there that do have goals and ambitions. I must admit that I realize that I was so overly exposed to negativity that I had developed a negative perspective on life….on black folk…my people. I was so fucked up until I felt as if the niggamentaliy was the norm for black kids…I was sadden, depressed and sick…..and I mean literally sick at the slothful, unconcerned, complacent, feeling as if the world owes them something, students that I had been dealing with for the last four years. I had lost my drive and ambition for teaching. I had began to look at myself as a glorified babysitter. Well, needless to say I felt as if I were going to have a headache I was going to have one around the corner from my house…and that was my attitude, so I began to work at a school that is about 11 miles from my house as opposed to 40.  I started the school year expecting things to be very similar to my old situation. To my surprise, it is not. I know that it is only the third going into the fourth day of school, but I have noticed that the  vibe of the school is awesome. The students may not be the brightest porch lights on the block but the difference in this group and my past groups is that these students want to learn…they want to be helped. They listen; they understand the power of knowledge as well as following rules. Don’t get me wrong. I love all of my past students but this new group has really helped me to regain the zeal that I once had for teaching.  

I start work today. I have a new attitude!! A new hair color…that looks fabulous if I may say so myself. My stylist really put her foot in my color and my style. This school year will be great for me… I am confessing that. To all that read this post peace and blessings upon you and have a wonderful Monday. Believe me……when I get off today I will be posting about my new experience(s).

It’s always interesting how men with big dcks think that they are the shit (I can’t speak for anyone elses experiences but mine). As of late I have been working towards getting back with my ex. I have been trying to convince myself that this is the right thing to do being as though his average salary is $6500 per week and I am truly struggling. He expressed to me that he wants to work things out and my response was "bet". Well, we have been spending time together but I just ain’t feelin it. I am trying to.. I can tell that he genuinely wants to make it work but I can’t help but to question "what makes me good enough this time". The history in all of this is that he broke up with me about two years ago. We never lost contact, in fact we talked regularly and I respected the fact that he only wanted to be my friend….and I honored his request. Now that two years have passed he all of a sudden wants to work things out. It will be to my benefit financially that I take him up on his offer, but I can’t help but to long for something that he is not giving me. I need a friend, a cofidant, a lover, a mental stimulator, a soul mate. I am not saying that I am not attracted to him..that’s not it….something is just missing. Any how, back to big dcks…. He feels that because he has a big dick that just should be satifiying enough…In fact he last’s for about 3 and a half minutes which is just a little over two minutes. I have been trying to give him the benefit of the doubt for years when it comes to sex. I even found him a doctor and told him all that he needs is a piece of viagra..not even a whole one. At any rate after sex the other night…. of course once again I was pissed off but tried to be nice about it by saying "I know that you did not cum. His response to me was that he did and I said, OH H*LL NAW!!!! You gonna have to do something you just ain’t gonna leave me like this. He responded that this dick was feeling enough and I was just being greedy. WTF???